The "D" Word

"It's never enough to say I'm sorry
It's never enough to say I care
But I'm caught between what you
Wanted from me, and knowing
If I give that to ya
I might just disappear."

-Theory of a Deadman

I am not afraid to admit that my marriage has failed (unlike some). I sit here today, and full heartedly admit that a marriage we tried to save has officially ended. There were so many factors when it came to deciding. Our son, our sanity, our arguments, our lack of communication, our falling out of love with one another. I can sit here and say that we tried working things out through marriage counseling. Up until this point, I felt like our marriage wasn't on equal ground. But making this decision has been the most equal thing we have done thus far. 50/50.

For the sake of your child. Some people believe that staying in a marriage for the sake of the child is important. Let me say though that when there are 18 more years before the child is due to move out & the arguments are only getting worse, that it's not the smartest idea.

A friendship. We have decided that we need to work as a team for our son's sake. That us being there for him is the most important thing. We've got to learn to be friends and stay civil to one another so that he can have the best.

No contest. We have also decided that courts and judges aren't necessary. This will be a "civil" divorce. That means we'll be seeing the same lawyer to draft up the papers.

My future? School, of course. Nothing about that has changed. I have been putting in a ton of job applications, so my semester is no doubt going to be stressful. I plan on getting back on my feet.

I won't lie, my heart is breaking each moment longer I think about getting the D word. We don't like to say the lengthier version. It's very taboo and I don't like it in my vocabulary. So, I'll ask my friends this... are you ready to join me on this journey? The last 7 months have been hell and no doubt NOT boring. This doesn't have to be the end of the world though. Together we can get through this, and absolutely anything else.

Love,

Anna