So much has happened... so much that I want to share, but I just feel like I don't have the energy to get it all out. I still count the days since we John Parker died. It's been 11 months and 2 days. Lately I find myself thinking about him more and more, maybe it's the upcoming date. The unwelcome reminder. But it could partially be because I am about to embark on my next piece of body art-- my dedication to him and what he has brought into and taken out of my life. I want it to be perfect, and lately I find myself obsessing over the details to the tattoo itself. I will accept nothing less than perfection, because that's what he was to me--perfect, even if he couldn't stay in this world.
I actually have a few pieces of work that I want to get done. My mother, as most of you know by reading previous blogs, will have been dead a year on July 22nd. I am getting a tattoo in her memory too. A rose vine going up my calf with 5 roses [representing each of her children] and thorns [representing the hardships that she and her children had to face] I also cannot believe that she has been gone for a year...and it's been two years next month since I've seen or hugged her. **sigh** Anyhow, I am also getting another one for my beautiful almost-two year old, Christian. I am getting either a portrait of him or his footprints. I am also getting a Latin phrase "bis pueri senes" meaning "Old men are twice children"-- it represents what I do for a living and my passion in life-- nursing. I have all of these planned and as of now, I only have one. But they each have such a powerful meaning.
Status on the divorce: we called it off. You don't have to tell me, I know it was sudden.Don't give me that face, I know what you're thinking. Our relationship has seemingly improved in the last couple of weeks. And if he wants to be there for our son and myself then I won't stop him-- that's all I ever wanted in the first place. We're getting an apartment together on May 31st.
Work [oh yes, I have a job now... I've had one for a month. I work at a rehabilitation and long term care facility] is hard. A lot harder than I expected it to be-- but it's worth it & I will make this work until I can get a spot at the hospital. Let me tell you though, it's not easy waking up before the sun.
Christian is beautiful and thriving each and every day and he makes everything in this world right. I absolutely adore him and his cute remarks and sassy character.
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